As I type this, I am lying on the lounge feeling sick. When I announced how I was feeling to my husband, he promptly dragged me to the lounge, turned the music down, and got me a nice warm wheat pack to cuddle. He is now washing the dishes, after already taking the rubbish out and tidying the lounge room. And all this without me even asking. I have a wonderful husband!
Last night I watched The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas for the second time. As a rule I don’t cry in movies. Ever. (Mum used to accuse me of being a heartless child while she sobbed her way through one movie after another and I sat there laughing at her.) This is the only movie to have ever broken that rule. Last time I watched it I cried and swore I would never watch it again but somehow I was silly enough to forget that. This time I watched it all the way through with only a few tears at the end….And then I sobbed for half an hour. My husband held me and reminded me that it isn’t a true story but it made no difference. You see, it’s not the little boy’s fate that makes my heart bleed. It’s not even his mother’s heartbreak or the pain in the faces of the Jews in the story. It’s not the cruelty of the soldiers that makes me want to scream.
Or rather, the lack of Him. It’s enough to make me angry. WHERE WERE YOU?? Why did you let innocent people, even CHILDREN, be treated like this? Both times I have watched this movie it makes me fall apart. It shakes at the very foundations of my belief in a loving Father. I sob and question until I can’t think anymore. If You really care, why didn’t you DO something?? And when I come to the end of my tears, I am still no closer to an answer than I was at the start. I still don’t know where He was. I still don’t understand why He didn’t stop the pain, the heartache. But somehow I feel I have not wept alone. He is there. I feel His arms around me. I hear His voice whisper, ‘I know, My child, I know. I feel it too.’ And in His voice I hear tears. I realise that not only is He there, but He is weeping. Deep wracking sobs. The pain of a heart of Love. As our tears subside, He reminds me of a promise. A promise to one day banish sin, and pain, and tears.
‘And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes. And there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain.’ (Revelation 21:4)
But until that day, we will cry together. For the pain of His children, the heartache of a broken world. And as I see the tears of God, I feel the love of a Father. And even though I may not understand, I know that I can trust His heart.
Today, He weeps for my pain. He weeps for yours. Take it to Him and let a loving Father wipe away your tears.